My Child Is Afraid Of The Dark: Now What?

A few weeks ago, I hit a very low point in my parenting skills. One of our children hasn’t been sleeping very well, and after weeks of continuous stalling at bedtime, I lost it. I mean, I really, really lost it. I yelled. I screamed. I stomped out of the room. I did lots of things that I’m not proud of…and I quickly unraveled as a parent. Why am I admitting this to all of you? Well, because parenting isn’t easy, and sometimes, you’re not at your best. In this case, I was going on very little sleep, and I was mentally exhausted with the situation.

Once my child finally fell asleep and I got past my ugly adult temper tantrum, I sat down on our bed and just stared into space. I was at a loss as to what to do, and to be honest, I was mad too. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, so I grabbed one of our Kindle Fires and turned to Google. I typed in: “My child is afraid of their room” and was amazed at the number of results. From The Cleveland Clinic Foundation to the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital to Mom forums like the Berkley Parents Network, there were tons of results for me to peruse through. As I sat there reading about “What I should do” and “What I shouldn’t do”, I became even more embarassed by my behaviour.

For each time that I saw that I was doing something right, I would quickly turn to my husband and say, “See? See! I am doing this! I know I’m not crazy!” But my tone bothered me…I sounded like a snarky child and not like a patient and caring mother. And it wasn’t until I saw all of the things that I wasn’t doing right, that it hit me. I was being childish and my frustration was impeding my ability to treat the situation with the kindness and compassion that it warranted.

You see, I was a child that was terrified of the dark. So much so, that I made my sister sleep in bed with me until I was a teenager. If she was at a sleepover, I would sleep upstairs on the couch with the dogs or the cat. I suffered from extreme anxiety regarding the dark and I had terrible, terrible nightmares.

So as I realized that I was ignoring my own child’s extreme anxiety about the dark, I was heartbroken. When did I become so callous? Why was I being such a horrible mother? I’m sure, if you’ve been a hideous beast to your child at some point in time, you’ll understand the ferocious guilt that comes afterwards. So after reading several articles on children’s sleep anxiety, I decided we would change immediately.

The following night, after dinner, I made a batch of cookies and we sat together as a family casually chatting about being in the dark. We asked each of our kids what they could do when they get scared, and asked them how we, as their parents, could make their rooms happier, “safer” place to be. Their answers were really, really simple. So simple, that I was compelled to share my Bad Parenting Moment with all of you – and their really fantastic tips. So if you also have a child that is afraid of their room – and the dark, keep reading below.

My Kids Top 12 Tips To Making Their Rooms Less Scary

1.) Close the closet door each night before they go to bed. (My kids recently watched Monsters Inc and got so freaked out by Randall, the purple lizard-shaped monster, that even though they know monsters don’t really exist, they are now terrified of their closets. One of our children even asked us to put a lock at the top of the door, which we did – it’s at the tippy-top, so only we can reach it to ensure that no humans or pets get locked in there.)

2.) Put pictures of our family up on their walls so when they have a bad dream they can see a happy or funny picture of us.

3.) Create an “Art Wall” where they can hang their canvas paintings that they make with us and their Nana.

4.) Put more nightlights in their room. (After much testing, our favorites right now are the Gummy Bear Nightlights from Land of Nod. As my father would say, “They light up the room like Broadway.” If these are too bright for your child, we also have Uncle Milton’s Moon In My Room, which is much more subtle.)

5.) Leave the door open so they can see us.

6.) Don’t leave the walls bare. Put stuff up on all of the walls! (Bare walls are scary in the dark because they cast creepy shadows. Did you know that?)

7.) Build a stuffed animal wall around them each night in bed, so when they wake up, they see their toys right away.

8.) Give them one of our old pajama shirts to hide in their pillow so they have us close to them. (Each of my kids now has their very own Mommy/Daddy Blanket. These blankets are actually old silky pajama tops that they can slide right over their pjs if they’re having a really bad night. Otherwise, it just gets shoved in their pillow case.)

9.) Let the dogs go to sleep with them.

10.) Don’t yell at them before bedtime because it stresses them out. (This is very, very important.)

11.) Let them take a nice, relaxing, hot tub each night.

12.) Make sure they get to read a book, in bed – every single night. This is how they get comfy in their beds. We only read happy, funny books at bedtime to keep the mood light. (The only time we don’t let them read is if it’s really, really late – i.e. we went to a party and it’s way past their bedtime. But our kids depend so much on “Book Time” to relax that is really messes up their night if they can’t read in bed.)

Thanks for reading,

Denine

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